Aurora Santifer ’23 is a sociology major and Spanish minor.听
鈥淚 used to work at a retirement home. In high school I worked there for a year and a half. And that鈥檚 when I first started developing my sense of empathy and patience. Because that鈥檚 when I first realized how people are being treated鈥攁nd this isn’t indicative of all retirement homes, just the one I was working at鈥攂ut it was very common for people to drop off their parents, and then just never visit them. Ever! And they would die! It just blew my mind.
There was this one woman I connected with in particular. Her name was Diane. I met Diane one day in the dining hall. I was a server, but in the retirement home, it’s basically all hands on deck. I was always in their rooms, making sure they were eating, and stuff like that. So, Diane was just in the dining hall one day, and she comes up to me and she goes, 鈥榃here is my room?鈥� and I was like, ‘I don鈥檛 know! I don鈥檛 even know who you are!’ But I was concerned. I didn鈥檛 know anything about her, but I was like, we鈥檝e got to find this girl鈥檚 room. So, I helped her find her room, and I went in and I sat with her, and she just showed me all the pictures she had of her kids. And she used to be famous, I think鈥擨’m still kind of unclear on that one. After about five to ten minutes of talking with her, I realized she had dementia. I didn鈥檛 realize that at first. But she would keep asking the same questions, and that’s when it clicked for me.
After that, I started visiting Diane pretty regularly. Now that we both knew where her room was, I would drop by on my breaks, and I would sit with her, and I would just do my homework sometimes in her room. She could speak, but we never really had conversations. She would just be like, 鈥榃here do you live?鈥� and I would say, Atlanta. 鈥榃here?鈥� By Lenox. 鈥榃here?鈥� On Peachtree Road. 鈥極hhhh.鈥� And that happened every 10 minutes for like a year. 鈥榃hat鈥檚 your name?鈥� Aurora. 鈥榃hat are you doing here?鈥� I’m a server. 鈥楬ow do you know me?鈥� I just saw you one day, Diane. We鈥檙e friends. 鈥極h, okay.鈥�听
We would just do that over and over again. And I would answer her every time. I just felt so bad, because she showed me all these pictures of her kids, but I checked the visitation book, and people hadn’t visited her in years. Nobody.听
So听I’m听like, you have no friends; you don鈥檛 know where your room is; everyone鈥檚 so fed up with the fact that you have dementia that nobody wants to听deal听with you anymore, so you just sit in your room and watch TV for years. That鈥檚 so sad. Every once in a while, though, she鈥檇 pop out and play the piano. That was really nice, because she would just suddenly have these little windows of memory, and she鈥檇 be like, I’m going to go play the piano. And we鈥檇 all be like, girl, you didn鈥檛 even know听you played the piano 10 minutes ago!听
So then one day, it was Christmas. I worked all the holidays, and I would always come home crying because their families weren’t there. And I was like, this is so sad. Because it’s Christmas, and I just have little reindeer antlers in, and this Christmas is going to be some random 18-year-old girl you don鈥檛 know with reindeer antlers serving you chicken. So, one Christmas, a nurse came to get me and was like, your friend is sick. And I was like, who? And she said, your friend, the one that you hang with. And I was like, Diane? She said, your friend鈥檚 not doing well. So I went to go check on her. She was in bed, tubes in her neck. She fell, apparently, and I guess nobody found her. By the time I saw her, she was in the bed, and she was just staring at me. She would blink, but she couldn鈥檛 really do anything, and the nurse was like, you need to say goodbye, because she’s not going to make it much longer.听
I went over, and I just stared at her. This is so messed up…that none of your family members are here, that none of your friends are here, it’s just this nurse that doesn鈥檛 care about you. I just stared at her and said, this is ridiculous. I was just looking at her and saying, this is crazy, Diane. This is crazy. And then she died that night. It was crazy. And then what did I see the next day? All her family members pulled up, took her stuff, and left.听
All that to say, that was a very impactful moment in my life. Or theme, I guess. Because that鈥檚 when I was like, people just treat old people like听they’re听not real. Like, oh, they鈥檙e听going to听die soon, so we don鈥檛 take them seriously. But they were us once. Which is just听crazy听to think听about.听That they were once in college,听and in a sorority, and now听they’re听old. And they never thought they鈥檇 get there鈥�I听never see myself as an old person, I just think听I’m听going to听be young forever. And that鈥檚 what they thought. They’re just people. Everyone鈥檚 just a person, and we听need to treat them like that.听
Don鈥檛 treat Diane like she’s just an old lady who has dementia so she鈥檚 on her way out, so just give her some food and wait. Treat Diane like she鈥檚 a daughter, or somebody鈥檚 sister, who was once studying in college, and got her degree, and probably was struggling with student loans, and got a dog when she was 17鈥攁 person, she鈥檚 a person. With preferences, and maybe she doesn鈥檛 even like the food听you’re听serving her, and maybe she wants a little more salt on it because she likes her food salty.听
That was just really big for me. And at the time, I was also falling out of organized religion, so I thought, this belief is what鈥檚 going to work for me. Just remembering to always treat people like people, and always sending love out. So that鈥檚 why I鈥檓 always saying to people that I’m sending love your way. I think I say that at least three to four times a day. Because I’m sending love to you, because you鈥檙e a human, and I don鈥檛 know how you got to where you are, but you鈥檙e here now, and let me know how I can help. So, it’s kind of a bittersweet story with Diane. Because that definitely changed my life, but that was nuts. I was really bothered by that. And I quit soon after that, because I was like, I can’t do this job anymore. I can’t work here, because these people aren’t being treated like people.听
The incarcerated population, the unhoused听population, and the elderly are some of the biggest groups that get treated like aliens. Did you ever see the art exhibit鈥� 鈥�?鈥� I鈥檒l admit that I听came in with totally preconceived notions of what the art was going to look like.听And I was totally blown away.听That鈥檚 why I love art.听I听think art is so powerful.听I myself am more into music than the visual arts, but I love looking at any art because it really is just the nonverbal expression of the human experience.听
Like a chord. You feel a chord鈥攜ou can鈥檛 explain what it is, but you can feel it. A color鈥攜ou can see a color and feel a certain way. That鈥檚 the common ground that connects all of us in the way that words can鈥檛 describe. It transcends language and understanding. You see something, you hear something, and you feel something that connects all of you that you can鈥檛 describe. You can’t even write it down, you just play the chord again. And you鈥檙e like鈥攜’all feel that? Yeah. And you play it again.
